The Employment Diaries

Hill(arious) 30.03.10

Hill(arious) is my new micro-blog dedicated to funny things I overhear in my job writing reports about committee meetings on Parliament Hill. For those of you confused about the title of this blog, lest I remind you, being employed means employed in my field. Journalism. The one that’s dying. So don’t panic. The blog won’t end for awhile.

Today, shit got all new media. That’s right, Google was in da house.

The Canadian Council of Heritage (CHPC) had a committee meeting to help develop their study called “Canada and the New Media.” In other words, they brought in Google’s Canada Policy Council (this position exists?!?!?) Jacob Glick, to explain to old people why the internet isn’t going away.

For those of you not in the know, this is the way committee meetings works: A group of MPs (made up of a handful of Conservatives, iced with Liberals, sprinkled with Blog Quebecois, and topped with an NDP cherry) sit on either long end of the rectangular shaped tables. On either short end sit the Chair and Clerk, who control what happens in the meetings, and the witnesses, who plead why their cause should be considered in legislature.  Then the Committee asks questions, and the shit-show begins.

Last meeting I was at witnesses from Aboriginal organizations stated why the First Nations University of Canada (FNUC) should receive funding. Today’s meeting was Google arguing the internet makes a contribution to Canadian culture and that Government policy should protect rather than prevent the innovation it enables. Whew. Not easy when half the MP’s have their young, tech-savvy assistants writing their e-mails.

Google’s Glick made two main points: The internet is not going anywhere, and it leads to innovation. Ridiculous questions and comments included a Bloc Quebecois MP making the case that leisure and culture are separate and that the internet is only a place of leisure (Guess she missed Harper’s speech on Youtube, or Obama’s entire campaign) to a Conservative MP, who spoke painfully slowly about his old jobs selling “VCR tapes”, asking sincerely how Google makes money since he’s never given them a cent. No one had the heart to tell him he doesn’t control the stock market.

It was like watching Einstein teach the multiplication table to primary schoolkids. I get it. Different generations. Different skillset. But at this rate, we’ll be making our own avatars before the Heritage Committee wraps their head around the concept of online advertising.

Today’s winner was hard to choose. There were so many great moments: like when the above mentioned Quebecois MP would bust out obscenities in French she knew Glick couldn’t understand, when the above mentioned Conservative MP (who looks about 70) admitted he’s started watching Youtube, or when the retired school teacher Conservative MP smiled like a gitty baby when Glick agreed outdoor time was still better than Google time for our children.

I think, however, this one goes to the Committee Chair for his closing remarks on the meeting. He thanked Glick for mentioning his “constituent” Justin Bieber (brought up after an MP wanted examples of Canadians made famous from the internet), who he knows from his time spent on the Stratford Agricultural Society (the town Bieber is from). That’s right, the Chair (an old white man) told the room anecdotally  how the now 13-year-old Usher prodigy used to open the annual Ontario town fair with his song and dance. Then, one day, “the kid exploded, and everyone knew about him.”

“Kind of like you,” chimed in the Conservative MP to his right, chuckling.

The Committee Chair admitted to bringing up Bieber in an attempt to become famous by association. Meeting adjourned.

I relate to the Chair’s sentiment, as I spent most of the meeting looking over at the Globe and Mail’s Bill Curry (who buy the way doesn’t seem to have filed his story yet, unlike me) hoping his journalistic prowess would rub off. Bill? Are you listening? Can you hook me up? I promise to feature you on the blog…

I leave you with this, my friends. The one, the only, Bieberlicious doing a song I’m sure is dedicated to the Committee Chair (but that I dedicate to Bill).

And this, the full recording of the meeting, which I suggest you listen to simultaneously with Bieber’s music.