2
Apr
2010
Hill(arious) 02.03.10
It was perfect that yesterday’s Committee on Environment and Sustainable Development (ENVI) meeting fell on April Fool’s Day: It was a joke.
The Clerk thanks everyone for staying so late on a beautiful day at the start of the long weekend (It was 3:30, which is really pressing it in Government-time)
The order of the day is a review of the Draft Federal Sustainable Development Strategy. Basically, the Government drafted
The Easter Bunny waits impatiently outside Parliament for the MP's to finish and calls the environment meeting "a load of bull."
a strategy to deal with environmental issues and called in the Commissioner of the Environment and Sustainable Development (from the Office of the Auditor General of Canada) and two others that barely spoke, to give their initial impressions. Since the Commissioner only received the document two weeks ago, he speaks vaguely about how the document seemed to meet “targets” be more “transparent” and uses a “singular approach” rather than a “stovepipe.” He says he isn’t able to say anything specific until his final review is completed in late-July. One Liberal MP aptly asks, “Why are we having a review of a review that has yet to take place? I’m surprised with all the pressing environmental issues we have time for a pre-meeting.” Shazzam. Half of the MP’s skip their allotted question-asking minutes so they can go home and get to the more important fluff: chasing the Easter bunny’s tail.
The award for most Hillarious person once again goes to the Clerk (different from the last one), who embraces the ridiculous mature of the meeting.
Come ooooooooon down!
He channels the late Bob Barker and assumes the role of game-show host rather than Parliament official. “We’re moving onto the seven-minute question round,” he says with a variety of inflections after the witnesses speak. “Round five!” he bellows, after cutting off an MP over the time-limit. “Everyone wants to get out for the long weekend.” When he calls Ms. Duncan to speak, the two MP’s with the same last name look perplexingly at each other. “That’s confusing,” says our host. “It’s like April Fool’s or something.” Cue symbol. When no one else wants to speak after only half the meeting time is up, he says happily “All the rounds, just like that. I entertain a motion to adjourn. Adjourned!! And weeeee’re outta here!”
Nothing like a little humour to make a bullshit meeting easier to swallow. And for that, I thank you Mr. Clerk.